In this personal account, Lana Cullis from Powell River, B.C., shares a poignant story about her experience with Christmas ornaments and memories. For more details on CBC’s First Person stories, refer to the FAQ.
During a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were dividing tree ornaments from four boxes. Kit, now independent, wanted to decorate her own Christmas tree. Unpacking the ornaments stirred up years of loss and grief for children who were no longer part of our holiday celebrations.
Our family had welcomed and bid goodbye to 23 foster children over eight years. Most placements were temporary, and amidst fostering, our two children became part of our family through adoption. Kit surprised me by recalling the stories behind each homemade ornament, even those crafted by strangers. Her holiday memories differed from mine, revealing a unique perspective.
Among the decorations was a tree topper received by my husband and me on our first Christmas together as newlyweds. As I examined the angel ornament with a crack held together by Krazy Glue, symbolic of our failed marriage, I hesitated before passing it to Kit. Her eyes sparkled with joy as she accepted it, reminiscing about always wanting to place the angel atop the tree despite her height limitations, which had now changed.
Another discovery was a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament crafted by an eight-year-old foster child we had cared for. Made from foam blocks and pipe cleaners at a community Christmas party, it evoked mixed emotions of grief and regret as we had lost touch with the child after failed legal proceedings for permanent wardship. Kit, noticing my shift in mood, appreciated the ornament’s sentimental value and shared fond memories of playing with it.
Creating inclusive holiday traditions for foster children was important to our family. We adjusted our Christmas celebrations so that the children could spend time with their families on specific days and feel included in our festivities. Each child received unique ornaments to decorate the tree or keep as a memento. When they left our care, they had the choice to leave the ornament with us or take it as a keepsake. This practice led to the Santa and reindeer ornament crafted by our foster son becoming a part of my collection.
Unveiling a reindeer ornament made of pompoms, ribbon, and pipe cleaners, I recalled the division of Christmas decorations during my divorce. Sharing the ornaments equally, including the reindeer, symbolized fairness and equality in our family. Kit’s attachment to Rudolph symbolized stability and continuity during challenging times.
As we prepare to decorate the tree this year, I anticipate a different experience infused with my daughter’s positivity and resilience. Her perspective promises to overshadow any lingering sadness associated with each ornament. I eagerly await the unveiling of her decorated tree.
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